Many years ago, a passionate letter-appeal from an elderly woman hospitalized in an institution was published in numerous national and local newspapers which seems to summarize the meaning and purposes of the document well. It seems significant to us to place it at the conclusion of this work of ours due to its expressiveness and clarity.

I am almost seventy-five years old, I live alone in my house, the same one I stayed in with my husband, the one my two children left when they got married.

I have always been proud of my autonomy, but for a while it hasn't been the same as before, especially when I think about my future. I'm still self-sufficient, but for how long? I realize between myself that the gestures become a little less casual day by day, even if they still tell me: "If only I were like her at her age...". Going out to do the shopping and keeping the house is making me increasingly tired.

And then I think: “What will my future be?”. When I was young the answer was simple: with your daughter, with your son-in-law, with your grandchildren. But how do you do it now, with small houses and families where everyone works? So even now the answer is simple: the institute.

It's annoying, everyone says it, but everyone also knows, and doesn't say it, that no one would want to leave their home to go and live in an institution.

I really can't believe that a bedside table is better, a narrow space, a completely anonymous life at home, where every object, a painting, a photograph, reminds and fills even a day without much news. I often hear people say: "We put her in a nice institution, for her sake." Maybe they are sincere, but they don't live there.

Let's also admit that we don't end up in one of those TV news places, where they even have a hard time giving you water if you're thirsty, or they mistreat you just because they feel frustrated with the work they do.

But I really don't think that an institution is the answer to those who are a little unwell and, above all, alone.

Is finding yourself suddenly living with strangers, unwanted and unchosen people really a way to overcome loneliness? I know well how to live in an institution. It happens that you want to rest and you can't because you can't stand the noise of others, the coughs, the habits that are different from yours.

They say that when you get old you become exaggerated. But it's not an exaggeration to imagine that if you want to read there are those who want the light off or that if you want to watch a programme, they either watch another one or it's not on time.

In a shelter even the most banal problems become difficult: having the newspaper every day, repairing your glasses immediately when they break, buying the things you need if you can't go out.

It often happens that they exchange your underwear with someone else's after the laundry and then you can't keep anything of yours. What's worse, assuming that eating isn't bad, is that you can't decide almost anything: when to get up and when to stay in bed, when to turn on and off the light, when and what to eat. And then, when one is older (and is more embarrassed because he feels less beautiful than he once did), he is forced to have everything in common: illness, physical weaknesses, pain, without any intimacy and any shame.

There are those who say that in the institute "you have everything without burdening anyone". But it's not true. You don't have everything and it's not the only way to avoid bothering your loved ones.

An alternative would be: Being able to stay at home with some assistance and, when you feel worse or get sick, being able to be helped at home for the time you need. There are many of us, in fact, who could stay at home even with just a little help, or with home healthcare. And it's not true that all this costs too much. These services cost three or four times less than my eventual admission to a long-term care facility or an institution. It happens that you end up in an institution and you didn't even decide it. I don't understand why you respect the wishes of a will and yet you aren't listened to while you're alive if you don't want to go to an institution.

I heard on TV that here in Italy thousands and thousands of billions have been allocated to build new institutes. If I lived in a shack I would be happy too. But I have a house and a bed, I already have my "bed place", there is no need to create new kitchens to prepare lunch for me, you can use mine. I don't need you to build me a new big room to watch TV, I already have my own TV in my room. My toilet still works fine. My house, if anything, only needs a few handrails and handles on the wall: it would cost you much less.

What I want for my future is the freedom to be able to choose whether to live the last years of my life at home or in an institution. Today I don't have this freedom. For this reason, even though I am no longer young, I still want to make my voice heard and say that I don't want to go to institute and that I don't wish it on anyone. Help me and all the elderly to stay at home and die among their belongings. Maybe I will live longer, I will definitely live better.

Mary.